Girls my age

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Girls my age spend a lot of time curving their eyebrows, shading their eyes, and picking the right color for their lips. I am not one of them.

They say it’s better to arrive late and pretty than to arrive early looking like crap. In my case, I’m always late and, yes, I always look like crap. I am in my junior year in college and I just got my first ever case of pressed powder (which I only used for a week), and lip tint. I don’t even want to comb my hair. In my defense, I say messy hair is in today, right?

Girls my age go on dates. Me? Well, I’ve got plenty of books and TV series piled up, waiting for my attention.

They say, “Get out there! Have fun! You’re young!” It’s not that I haven’t thought of doing something like that. It’s just too nice to imagine oneself doing those things, but the process of getting there is not easy. It’s always better said than done.

Do you ever have days when you ask yourself, “What is wrong with me?” I mean, girls my age are having the time of their lives and I realize I’ve been sitting in a corner for a long time, waiting for the light to turn green.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually doing something. And by “something” I mean reading books, watching movies, hanging out with friends, meeting new people. Maybe I’m just afraid I’m not living the life. I’m afraid I’m going to leave the teen years of my life without doing anything.

But the thing is, the perfect time to enjoy life is not when you graduate from high school, or when you finally get a degree or a stable job. I have been living in the real world ever since, and I have been waiting for something that has always been there.

I am so enthralled with the future that I forget to live the present. I am always lost in reverie. “Someday” has been my favorite word. Someday I’ll go there, someday I’ll do that. But it’s not too late. I’m going out there to experience life. I’m going to try, make mistakes, try harder, fall, and then try even harder. When I get old I want to look back to the teenage me and say: “Damn, I was young and reckless back then. I have lived the life.”

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FACADE

He said I’m beautiful, like a book giggling with enchanting stories.

I looked at myself and see darkness.

Apparently, we see beauty in altered ways.

I am a beauty of self loathe and pity.

A beauty that’s a million miles different from what he comprehends.